Random thoughts...

When I think back over the last year I remember my doubts, my fears, my control issues, my love of comfort and security.  I remember worrying about our 4 kids and how adoption would affect them.  I remember thinking about our child and worrying about behavior or other issues.  I remember staying awake all night dreaming up all kinds of crazy things that could go wrong or ruin our life.  But God says, do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself.  He says, do not fear for I am with you.  If I would have just listened.....  If I would have believed not just in my head but also my heart....  If I would have taken Him at His word, I would have had what He promises, peace. 


Brett and I both knew that the Lord lead us to Jin Yi.  He confirmed it over and over.  He opened doors and did amazing things.  There were many times I wanted to ignore His small voice, there were many times I wanted to say 'what a coincidence'.  But we did hear and He did put people, verses, sermons, daily devotions, books and even little people right where they needed to be.  He lit the way.  And He is lighting the way now.  He has gone before us and behind us on this journey.  He has been so faithful.  He is so mighty and He is moving, just say yes!  Say yes to whatever He is calling you to that seems impossible.  Say yes to whatever you think could never happen.  Say yes, and you will see mountains move right in front of you. 


A little about Jin Yi.  Jin Yi is a learner.  She studies faces and words.  She watches how you react and respond.  She is also a teacher, she is teaching her mother how to say different words.  She mostly shakes her head and says no, and repeats the word.  We laugh and rejoice when I finally can say it correctly.  She loves her sisters.  She likes talking to them (as much as they can), laughing at videos they have taken or getting them to carry her.  She loves her brothers.  She watches them a lot.  She likes to tickle their necks and give them kisses on the cheek.  She likes play the ipad next to them and laugh.  She loves her siblings.  Jin Yi is determined.  She swam for a couple hours today as her petite little body shook from the cold, she would not get out.  She wanted to swim.  She is determined to learn.  She plays an app on my phone with word flash cards to learn English.  She watches, listens and then repeats the word with such concentration.  She has a big heart and loves to laugh and has quit a bit of energy.  God knew what He was doing when He gave me Zac first. 


A little about her first home in China, the Children's Welfare Institute, or known in America as the orphanage.  I can not say enough about the excellent care that this Institute is giving the children who live there.  It is not perfect, and definitely not a family.... but these kids are loved and taken care of.  They gave my daughter and others going away parties.  They put on performances where they are wearing beautiful costumes and performing dances and poems for the staff and other supporters of the Institute.  They are bused to a school for education.  They were well fed and well loved.  I saw caregivers feeding children cake at the going away party who couldn't feed themselves.  I saw the love it took to put together a photo album of Jin Yi since the time she was abandoned at 4 months till current with many pictures probably more then 75 pictures of all stages of her life.  I witnessed caretakers coming in on their day off to tell her good bye.  I found out that her mamma donated money to buy her a going away gift.  Today at Civil Affairs one of the caretakers brought pictures that she had colored that they had forgotten to give us.  (Just confessing, but I would have thrown them away), but they cared enough about her to bring them to us today.  With the pages today they also brought some of her small stickers.  The care and love they showed her and the other kids is genuine and real.  It broke my heart when my family pulled away from the Institute.  Jin Yi was all smiles.  Several of the caretakers were crying, some shed just a tear and some held it back.  I know they wanted her to go, because she would be in a family.  But their tears were real.  They had 8 years with her.  8 years to watch her learn to crawl, walk, say her first word, recite her first poem, and loose her first tooth.  The tears were real.  And I cried too.  I was sad for their loss, but thankful they gave for her to have a family.


So thankful to all of you who have helped our entire family come to China.  It is crazy busy and sometimes I don't think I even have a moment without hearing the word mom.  But how thankful I am that they have all been here to witness our 5th child coming into the family.  How their hearts have grown and how they have desired to give and love.  It is such an amazing gift that we are all together.  It is such a gift to Jin Yi too!  She knows right from the start that we are a big and crazy family.  We play hard and we laugh a lot.  She knows that she might have to share mom and dad, but it is ok.  She will get what she needs and sometimes it is big sis or big brother who might get to help her, and she seems just fine with that.  And mentioning big brother, guess who became a big brother, Zac!  Zac is 3 months older than Jin Yi, but that still makes him big brother.  He loves his new position in the family.  He is the first to help her climb up on something or reach something that is to tall.  He loves helping her, and for the most part she likes it. 

Many random thoughts flowing through my head but mostly thankful.  Thankful that we have seen the hand of God move mountains.  Thankful to be in this beautiful country with such a rich history of determination and hard work.  Thankful for the delicious food.  Thankful for the beautiful Chinese ladies that have come into our life.  Jenny with Jin Yi and Lei with Daniel (who we may get to see),  Thankful to he right here.... right now....right where God wants me.... watching His story unfold.  Thankful that we are not the same family that stepped on the plane several days ago, not just in number but also in faith and heart.  Thankful that I can finally rest.  Thankful for my amazing husband who listens and obeys the Lord in amazing leaps of faith.  Thankful for Emma who desires to nurture and lead.  Thankful for Ellie who is so kind and always reading every ones feelings.  Thankful for Daniel that God placed him into our family and how he has grown to be a confident young man willing to take a challenge .  Thankful for Zac who is so sensitive to others but appears so rough, thankful that he is able to share his tenderness with his sister and give up the 'baby spot' in the family.  Thankful for Jin Yi, she may be small but she is mighty, thank you for making her just the way she is and placing her in our family!  Thankful for our parents who have had to follow us on this crazy ride called adoption, that they have not just followed but loved and gave their hearts to all of our children.  Thankful for every breathe that the good Lord has allowed me, desiring now more than every to not waste the time I have left.  Thankful for my mom and dad who raised me to take challenges and not fear and have loved me when it was easy and when it was hard.  Thankful for Darrel and Kathy who raised an amazing man and love me like their own daughter.  Thankful for my sister for never taking it easy on me or letting me win.  Thankful for her family, and my niece and nephew who I have so many fond memories of them growing up.  Thankful for quietness, as everyone is asleep.  Thankful for peace that only comes from trusting and obeying the Almighty Father.  The peace that was sometimes lacking during this journey is resting on me like a warm and cozy blanket.  Thankful that my quads are a tiny bit sore from our amazing adventure yesterday, yes exercise class (just a tiny bit sore).  Thankful for the clear and beautiful sky yesterday on our adventure up and down the Great Wall of China.  Thankful that both of my sons completed their first chapter books while on the trip.  I finally found one Zachary likes and he couldn't put it down.  In fact, he stayed up last night to finish reading it not because he had to because he wanted to.  Thankful!  Thankful for my many friendships through the years who have encouraged me.  Thankful for forgiveness.  Forgiveness that a family extend to one another.  And most thankful that God the Father forgives.  What are you thankful for?  I challenge you to email me or comment on what you are thankful for.  I will probably not respond, because I have only had time to do 2 posts.  But I would love to hear it!